Alone

Living a life with instability
Is like trying to be God and walk on water,
Impossible,
To not feel like you know what will come
What to expect
Leaves uncertainty,
Insecurity,
Inferiority,
Broken,

Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in a puddle
Everyone around me screaming
It's so easy just stand up,
With that voice inside 
Saying just give up,
It's not fun this feeling I have,
Felt this way for so long,
Being told I was dealt good cards,
But the game I don't understand,

Tip toe threw life 
As if trying to balance a see-saw
But alone,
We are told to have direction
Told to make a plan,
But what if what you work for
Does not want to hold your hand,

It's like feeling like a hamster running in place,
Going nowhere and taking up space,
Feeling not important,
Or worth what other are,
Because in this life 
You have not gone far,
Sitting holding witness to others live there dreams
Seeing what you wished for in others eyes gleam
Asking
What about me,

I imagine holding a twenty two to my temporal side,
I imagine tying a noose from a beam so high,
I imagine driving my car into something hard
So it's instant in seconds with nothing left to regard,

Sitting in life I feel alone,
By myself to depend on no one,
Depression I feel creeping inside
Feeling it's honestly not worth 
The pain 
The torment
The time
If I were someone else I would be loved for who I was
But I'm not and I can't change that
I give up because everyone does
It's the pressure
The fear
I'll always be alone
Damned
Doomed
Forever more
For this I feel alone

Silence

I go crazy sitting here,
Wishing,
Hoping,
Waiting,
Sometimes hesitating,
Dreaming while I'm bleeding inside,

I sit here and I
Wish,
I hope,
I ponder,
Wondering how much longer
I must sit here,

I sit here and
I think,
I hope,
I wait,
Never to escape
This feeling that I hold,
But is it all inside
Or is it in my mind.
Did life not stop and I've been left behind,
The answers you do not know,
But I can not show
My frustration I hold inside,

So I sit,
I hope,
I wait,
Till the silence it does break,
And the freedom comes pouring inside,
I sit as time flys by,
I never wonder why
I am sitting here again,

Do you sit and ponder,
And wonder how much longer,
Or even how long it has been,

Do you close your eyes and see what I see,
A vision of exticy
If only you could let it in

Patience

I can't sit here with this feeling,
This feeling inside,
It's killing me slowly,
And tormenting my mind,
Not knowing what to hope for,
Or if you will be there in the end,
It's a feeling that I yearn for,
Is no longer my friend,

I hide,
I mask,
I sugar coat the top,
Trying just to satisfy this feeling,
This knot,
But yes it still does linger,
As a whisper in the wind,
Wondering if what I have hoped for,
Will happen in the end,

I sit here in this torture,
My heart just torn in two,
Sitting here with patience,
What is the next move,
I'm sitting here in silence,
But the walls they feel so close,
For when I hear the whisper,
I also see its ghost,

I hide,
I mask,
I sugar coat the top,
Trying just to satisfy this feeling,
This knot,
But yes it still does linger,
As a whisper in the wind,
Wondering if what I have hoped for,
Will happen in the end,

No control,
Only fear
Of what is next to come,
Just hoping,
Just praying I'm not the only one,
These answers,
These questions,
Not now
you can not say,
Still hoping,
Still dreaming,
I just hope there is a day,
It's out there,
Just somewhere waiting for my heart,
To love it,
To take it,
So it never falls apart,
To mend it,
To treat it from going insane,
To help it,
Not hurt it,
It's been through all the pain,
To show it
When broken you can still be saved,

I hide,
I mask,
I sugar coat the top,
Trying just to satisfy this feeling,
This knot,
But yes it still does linger,
As a whisper in the wind,
Wondering if what I have hoped for,
Will happen in the end,

My heart it just dangles
Only by a thread,
Close my eyes and wonder
As I lay here in bed,
Silence has no sympathy
For the broken and afraid,
No one shred of empathy
As you try to be saved,
So as we play this symphony
A sad song as it may,
If you sit and hope for it
Maybe someday it will change,

I hide,
I mask,
I sugar coat the top,
Trying just to satisfy this feeling,
This knot,
But yes it still does linger,
As a whisper in the wind,
Wondering if what I have hoped for,
Will happen in the end,

Crumble

The words crumble in my fingers
As I try to write them down,
Feeling like I'm screaming out
Without making a sound,
I try to write the words
But I can't think of what to say,
Indescribable feelings of grief and pain,

Confusion about everything I know,
This illusion,
Putting on a show,
But I'm losing
When I try to play this game,
I've been bruising
From everything you say,

I remember this word that was once called love,

No direction for affection,
Just natural as if you are one,
Hand to hand,
Face to face,
Bliss by no other word,

This feeling is daunting,
As it's haunting,
Just to feel this way

As I try to put the words to a page
They seem to slip away,
As I ponder on this word
That was once called love

Inside

Hate and confusion,

Passion and lies,

Do you really want to know

What I hide inside,

A young girl scared and alone,

Never wanting to go home,

Boyfriend who loves her when he gets the time,

Friends who ditch her and rob her blind,

The Pain and the sorrow

This young girl has to face,

Should not be there and should vanish without a trace,

But no that’s too hard

Why lesson the pain,

Why weaken the hurt,

She me and nothing to you,

Nothing but dirt,

Backstabbing people who say there her friends,

And people she knows and will till the end,

The Feelings she holds

You say are all dreams,

But when she speaks of them

You should see her eyes gleam,

Why would you do this to such a nice girl,

You never know maybe her sorrow

Will bring the end to the world,

She tries day by day

To have happiness in her life

But can’t stop the pain

Or get rid of the fright

You laugh

You cry,

You may have friends that rob you blind,

And might have that loving boyfriends

Who loves you when he gets the time,

But you don’t understand all of this

You never will,

Just hear my words

They will give you all chills,

When you see a young girl who is just like me

Take into consideration that her thoughts are not all dreams

They are really hopes,

Passions,

And lies,

That is what this young girl hides,

Don’t push and don’t pull if you can’t handle her weight,

You will stumble and fall,

Vanish without a trace,

A young girl has so much to hide,

You should know it’s no problem

To hold your feelings inside. 

Tick Tock

I hate this word
Fucking complicated,
With what definition
Do you intend,
To rectify what should
Be simplified,
And learn to make amends,
To twist
To break,
Or to escape
A feeling you fear in the end,

It's tick tock on this
Winding clock that's
Coming to an end,

To super glue what's now
In two is the intent
You have in mind,
Insanity in side of me
Just makes me lose my mind,
So tired
So weak
So fucking complicated,
What more is there to say

It's tick tock on this
Winding clock that's
Coming here to stay,

Barricading myself from with in
To deal with these feeling inside,
Not realizing what is happening
As I escape inside my mind,
As time is just lapsing,
I feel my self passing,
As the thoughts can't stop going Threw my head,

It's tick tock on this
Winding clock that's
Coming to an end,

Sitting here in silence,
Not a whisper or a sound,
To justify or demoralize
Just makes my head go round,
Repeating but why competing,
Is it all just a game in the end,
Broken down to nothing is not what
I intend,
To rebuild my self from noting
Is not what I had in mind,
But I have to do something before
I lose my mind,

It's tick tock on this
Winding clock that's
Running out of time...
But now what I realize is
It was never on
Side...

Remember Me

Remember me as I was before
With my open heart and my open door,
Remember me as I was then
With my family and my friends,
Keep that picture in your mind
And remember me for all of time,

Remember the smiles and the tears,
Laughter and love is what we have here,
Keep those memories in your mind
For these are things
That are yours and mine,
When you are down and feeling blue,
Just think of me and I'll help you threw,

I'll never be to far away,
I'll be by your side every day,
The love we had will never fair,
The words we spoke won't go away,
I'll be that angel by your side
To help you through those rough hard times,
I'll be that shoulder for your tears,
I'll be close when you feel fear,

Never forget what we shared,
Never doubt that I cared,
Remember how I'm here for you,
I'll sit here and I'll wait for you,
Until the day when we meet again,
Take care of family and your friends,
Do for them as I did for you,
And I'll be here waiting for you,
I'll wait for you.